Do You Know What You Need That You Didn't Know That You Needed? EDC Poetry!

As we all know, the first thing that comes to mind when picking up a new knife or piece of EDC gear is poetry.  We've all been there - 'Wow, this new Spyderco is awesome.  It kind of reminds me of a rose, just by another name.'

When it comes to poetry, you can find buckets of sonnets about love, or beauty, or a sunset.  But for some crazy reason, EDC-themed poetry seems to be rare.  Weird.  So to help pick up that slack, here are some masterpieces*, done in a few different genres.  Pardon my dust, Dr. Seuss.

Haiku

‘Pocket Junk’

All my EDC

Is pulling down my trousers.

Do I have too much?

_____________

Ode

‘Opening Line’

Those little sharp and pointy things

That are carried by peasants and Kings

Help me start conversations when I feel dumb as an ox** -

‘Can I help you open that box?’

Free verse

‘Which Way To The Hospital?’

Knives are fun

But don’t run

With one open

Unless you enjoy

Visits 

To the ER.

_____________

Limerick

‘Smart Man’

There was a guy who spent large parts of his life

On the hunt for an elusive Grail Knife.

He said, “I just located The One,

But my bank account would be done,

And I’d much rather hang on to my wife.”

_____________

Acrostic

‘Bloodbath’

Son of a gun,

How the heck did that little nick from my knife make it look like I was

Attacked by an axe?

Really need a Band-Aid -

Perchance do you have one?

_____________

The Epic

‘Me And Jim Take A Trip And Meet Interesting People’

I was getting quite tired of the day to day grind:

‘Brush your teeth!’  ‘Eat your peas!’  ‘8 o’clock!  It’s bedtime!’

So I decided to pick up and leave it behind 

For the most far-est away-est of spots I could find.

I got all my stuff - every knife I could carry -

And set off with friend Jim.  He is e-maj-in-ary.

He looks like a dog.  He is fuzzy and mean.

But only I see him.  He just can’t be seen.

We decided the moon was the place we should go.

But how to get there?  Jim said he didn’t know.

A spaceship, of course, was the only way up.

So we’d need to build one, just me and my pup.

Because Jim’s a genius, we got it finished real quick.

And if I may say so, the thing looked pretty slick.

I’m not sure how it works - only Jim really knows -

But step on the gas and it gets up and goes.

I’m not sure why NASA*** has had such a hard time -

We left home at 6:30 and had landed by 9:00.

I guess the moon’s cool - it looks kind of like earth.

Smells the same too, for what that is worth.

We started exploring and came across a moon city.

It looked more like a dumpster - the moon ain’t very pretty.

But the locals seemed nice and not at all scary. 

So we got right down to it: ‘Y’all into Every Day Carry?’

Notes:

*In relation to things written in crayon and hung on a fridge.

**No oxen were injured in the making of this poem.

***NASA was not available for comment.